Surrender...

Today I surrender... I surrender to my emotions, to my fears and to my hopes... and most importantly I surrender to myself.

I had the most amazing conversation with the most beautiful person inside and out today. She said that I was strong. And I don't feel strong right now... I feel like a whiner... complaining about things that don't really matter, wanting things that are materialistic and mourning something that should mean so little in my life.

I can't even put my finger on the experience that our short conversation had but it is as if she looked into my soul... and I let her. She'll never know what a profound effect her words had on me.

And I will never be able to put into words my gratitude. Thank you, Amy.

Just FUN

Sometimes you just need a good laugh in this world! Doesn't it make you happy! Got this over at Stretch Marks.

Get your lemonade here...

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Unknown Author

Okay, so what if nobody is buying the lemonade? I've reached a frustration point with this damn economy and I'm ready to throw myself down and let out a good scream. My husband makes a living off his phone ringing... and it's not ringing. I make a living off of selling luxury handmade items... and they aren't selling.... not a surprise there... but I thought we had reached the bottom of the trough.. but this last month has been a whole new low (for both me and my husband and we are in completely separate industries).

I have my teaching credential and yet I can't get a job... California is laying off more teachers again this year and MY kids summer school was cancelled! Yet our taxes keep rising.

I find myself thinking... if it gets worse then this I don't know how we will make it. If it wasn't for what little money we have saved up I would be in a nutty bin with worry. This is the greatest country in the world.. what the heck is happening?

Will we ever reach the bottom of this failing economy? Will we be able to sell our lemonade again?

New iphone

New iphone!! YEAH!! Now all I need to do is get one! I'm going to wait until next week and hope that they don't run out! Do you think they will run out? I hope not. This will surely be my new obsession.

And guess what! I'm packing...... and packing.... and packing. Just did a run to the Good Will and not done yet.

This is what I should be doing...

So this is what I should be doing right now....

But instead I'm:

• Reading all 200 of my blogs on reader
• Sighing and staring at the wall
• Eating
• Watching TV
• Doing errands that I hate
• Cleaning (which I really hate)
• Doing work that doesn't need to be done
• Obsessing on what NEEDS to be done

I must admit that I did clean out my filling cabinet two days ago. And I did get more storage boxes at Staples. And I did register the kids for school. BUT I'm not packing.

Suddenly I have a overwhelming feeling of dread and apprehension. What if we don't like our neighbors? We've discovered that one of our neighbors has a rock band in his garage... Need I say more? What if I don't like our new community? What if I don't like our new grocery store? What if Target is too far away? Do I have to change the kids doctors? We are only moving 25 minutes away... but we have lived in this area for over TEN years... I don't like change! You probably figured that out by now.

I have tremendous guilt in pulling my kids out of their school and familiarity. My son was kissing his wall last night saying "I love this house" and my daughter has trouble making friends and has finally gotten a BFF... now all that is changing.

I could only imagine how great my anxiety would be if we were still moving across the country... but right now... 25 minutes feels like across the country. I'm not being reasonable.. I know!

Please pray that I find the "will power" to pack some boxes.... soon....

My New Journey...

has begun. I've been feeling a little "unsatisfied" with my yoga classes lately. I kept thinking that maybe it was me progressing past the skill level of the class or it was the instructor themselves... had they changed their classes in some way? What had changed?

I had a very bad class last week with a instructor I had been going to for a very long time. We did a series of hip openers the whole class and then the ending rest pose was about a minute (if that) and I left feeling "anxiety" and "anger". I felt so bad ALL DAY... I just wanted to go to bed and have the day be over. I did some research and talked with a few people and found that hip openers tend to bring up emotions because we hold a lot of our emotions in our hips. I'm fine with releasing my emotions but not if they go right back into my hips.. otherwise, I would just prefer they stay there. Why ruin my day?

A few days later, I went to my Ashtanga class and all was right with the world again. And then it hit me... its not the instructors... its not my skill level... its ME. My inner teacher was speaking to me and telling me what I need... I need to change my practice and do what "feels" good to me.. not go to six classes a week in an obsessive manner... I need to listen to my body and do what "feels" right to me. Whether that be going into "child pose" because I've had enough or only practicing with certain instructors and BEGIN to grow my home practice (which I've very apprehensive about). So I decided to add a pilates class once a week to strengthen my core and changed my schedule a bit.

I've experienced the most amazing transformation the past two days... I've been doing a smaller class with one of my fav instructors and been getting a lot of one on one attention. I've done things the past two days that have amazed me.... Hand Stands, Head Stands, Scorpion poses WITHOUT the wall.

My Crow Pose (see pic above) ROCKED! All I have to do is listen to myself... now if I could get my husband and kids to listen to me!

Tag your it!

I've been tagged by my BFF Erica of Baby Bee's Boutique.

The rules: List Six Unimportant Things that Make you Happy.

1.  Yoga - It might be unimportant to some but to me it's the air I breath.  So I guess it doesn't count but it still my number 1.  Some days its only my time on the mat that keeps me sane.  I don't know what I would do without it.  There are days I feel bliss, strength, release and the simple joy of living in the moment.

2.  Music - could you live without it?  I guess.  But I love it when a song takes you to a different place or brings up memories from your past or wishes for your future.

3.  My favorite Jeans - I have this old ratty pair of jeans and they fit just right.  

4.  Ice Cream - the simple joy of eating ice cream with your kids and enjoying every bite.

5.  Swimming - something I haven't done in a long time... but I enjoy laying in the water and letting the water carry my weight.

6.  The Beach - The sound of the waves.. the sand in my toes... the sweet breeze and the warm sand.

I'm going to tag my blogging BFF Jennifer at The Trendy Spot.

Which Team are you on?

I use to be on Team Edward....  The book had me swooning over the "perfect man" that Edward embodied.  However, I found my like (lust) for him wavering towards the end of the series because I found his character a bit "controlling" but it's a book people!! I read it for entertainment!  When I saw that they had chosen Robert Pattinson for the roll it didn't go with the image in my head of the "perfect man" but Rob isn't too hard on the eyes.  I see from the photo below that he has been working out for the last scene in New Moon... but still I wasn't swooning when I saw this photo below.   (and I think they might have done a little bit of airbrushing.. I'm just saying!)

But now I think I'm on Team Jacob after seeing this photo below... Need I say more!  Yum.  I was NOT a Jacob fan in the book.. I found his undying love for Bella irritating and was very angry that she kissed him in the book.  How could she do that to Edward?  AGAIN, I'm talking about my feelings from the book.   I was sad that New Moon wouldn't have much Edward... and we would be stuck with Jacob.  Sorry, long haired Jacob didn't do anything for me in the first movie.  BUT now.. I'm looking forward to this Big Bad Wolf.    

When it comes to hotness... Taylor Lautner wins hands down!  Which team are you on?

Tiny House

Just when we thought we would have to live in one of these!!!  102 sq ft!!!  We found a great house!  In a great neighborhood!!  With a great school!  It is older but was recently renovated and will do just nicely!

Lets back up a bit... On Saturday we were licking our wounds after two houses had fallen through.  We thought we would have to scale back and go to a much much smaller home.  We looked at some that were 1000-1200 sq ft... man, they were small.... so when we got back in the car after looking at one that we could "live" with.. my husband asked if I wanted to see one in another city.  

Back story on this house:

He had seen a sign but had only called the owner.  Keep in mind that he hadn't seen it and I was very apprehensive about looking at it because he had indicated that I might NOT like the neighborhood.. and trust me I had seen some neighborhoods that HE liked but I would NOT live in...  I admit it.. I'm a bit of a neighborhood snob, and an appliance snob, and a carpet snob... etc... etc... got the point!  

Anyway, We pulled up and they were still doing some work on the front and the neighborhood was okay... and we had just caught the owners as they were leaving... again fate... and we quickly went through the house and checked out all the work they had done.  The whole time I'm thinking this is way out of our price range... I WISH I had spent more time looking.  As we were leaving I told him it was nice but we can't afford it.  He told me the price and I started laughing hysterically.  No way!  We put in an offer that night after driving back by to make sure it wasn't a "mirage".  They don't have any other offers but I won't let my self breath until I sign on the dotted line.  But its perfect for us!

Keep your fingers crossed for us!!

And get this!  When we got home we were offered the smaller home I talked about previously.  AND we so "thanks but NO thanks"!  HA!!!!

New Moon Trailer

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

I loved the books and I'm interested in seeing what they do with the second movie.  New Moon was not my favorite books so I was nervous and the first movie was "cheesy" in parts... BUT it looks like the second movie is going to be GREAT!